


Corporal White Girl (Levi's Got Some Ass)

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, total bullshit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-06
Updated: 2013-10-06
Packaged: 2017-12-28 14:00:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/992783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren wants to see that bubble yum bum. Ba dum bum ba dum. </p><p>(Eren and Jean discuss Levi's ass at length one morning during breakfast. Armin reconsiders his choice in friends.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Corporal White Girl (Levi's Got Some Ass)

**Author's Note:**

> Co-written by me and http://scribbleplates.tumblr.com/. Go follow her or something, for more of corporal Levi's fine ass.

Eren could not look away. 

It was a thing of beauty. It was art. It was perfectly sculpted. Every curve of it's shape, every outlined muscle just barely visible through those wonderful, skin tight white pants, just screamed "touch me". And damn, did Eren ever want to. 

The corporal poured himself a cup of tea, spun on his heel, and began to strut back towards his table. Or at least, Eren liked to call it strutting. Strutting was hot. 

Eren's heart began to pound in his chest as Levi made his way towards him. He carried himself with such grace. Eren's face turned red. 

Levi, of course, didn't even spare him a passing glance as he walked by. But Eren didn't even notice. He wasn't watching the corporal's face. Eren followed Levi's ass with his eyes, turning his head as Levi passed him. Even the way it moved was attractive. With every step he took, Levi's hips moved slightly in time with his pace. Eren inhaled deeply. 

"Damn." He exhaled, lingering on Levi's ass for a few seconds longer before turning back to his friends. "White girl has got some ASS." 

Someone next to Eren sighed loudly. Mikasa picked her tray up and promptly left the table, sending Armin a pitying look before retreating to the other side of the room. Jean dropped his cutlery. "Does he ever." 

"I just...I just can't believe it. It is beyond belief. That ass is too perfect for words." Eren shook his head slowly, staring down at his food. He had two potatoes left. They reminded him of something. 

With a loud bang, Jean stabbed the end of his knife into the tabletop. "Damn right." 

Armin shifted awkwardly. "Eren. You've been doing this for two weeks now." A light blush spread across his cheeks. "It's making me really uncomfortable." 

Jean scoffed. "Pussy."

Eren frowned. "Don't tell me you don't see it, Armin. Even you can appreciate something as glorious as that." 

"How does he do it?" Jean leaned across the table, glancing over at the corporal. "I could do ass exercises all day, and mine still wouldn't even begin to rival his." 

"Who cares?" Eren laughed. "I don't want it, I just want to get my hands on it. Really. Like, really, Jean. Jean. Jean. Oh my god, Jean. Just look at it. I'm fucking serious. Jean." 

Thankfully for them, the room was loud, filled with the chatter of hungry soldiers, and their comments were lost in the crowd. 

"Shit, man. Just..." Eren paused, inadvertently making beckoning gestures in Levi's direction. "Walk by me again, baby." 

Armin contributed to the conversation by swallowing loudly and slowly mashing all of the food on his plate into a pile of mush. 

"That thing right there is the absolute definition of bubble butt." Eren began to pound his fist rhythmically on the table. Jean, who had always dreamed of living in a musical, decided to seize the opportunity. Looking around for a pair of appropriate drumsticks, he grabbed his own spoon, snatched Armin's out of his fingers, and began to tap out a beat on his glass. 

"Bubble butt, man," Jean exclaimed musically, just as a hand clapped over the glass. An indignant Armin grabbed his spoon back, and returned to pulverizing his food. The utensil scraped angrily across the bottom of the bowl. What once had been bread, potatoes, and beef was now an unrecognizable mound of beige slop. 

"No, seriously, Jean. Dude. Remember the first time I ever saw him go all slice and dice on a titan?" 

Jean nodded eagerly. "Yeah. You had stars in your eyes for weeks."

"Those weren't stars, Jean. Those were asses." Eren shook his head pointedly. "Honest to god, I couldn't take my eyes off of it. I wanted to watch his techniques and shit, but I just...I couldn't. Maybe that's why he can kill so many titans. They're all just so completely distracted by his ass that they forget how much they want to eat humans." 

Jean grabbed Armin's spoon out of his hand again, eliciting an annoyed grunt. "I don't know, titan boy. Maybe."

"Not maybe. Yes. And he knows it, too. I'm not the only one admiring that thing. He's not an idiot. He knows what I want to do to him." Eren balled his hand into a fist. "Now if he would just come the hell over here and let me do it." 

Resting his head in his hands, he stared out the window, smiling vacantly, letting himself get lost in thought. Jean continued to tap the previous rhythm as before.

However, just as Eren's daydream began to reach the good part, he was rudely snapped out of it. He opened his eyes to find Armin, urgently shaking his shoulder, a panicked look in his eyes. Jean was frozen in place. "Eren! God damn it, Eren! He's-" 

Eren, though only half conscious of what was going on around him, was awake enough to know who 'he' was. Heart suddenly pounding in his chest, he turned around in his seat, sitting up as straight as he could. Surely enough, he was face to face with corporal Levi. Or, rather, face to torso. Eren might have been excited if he wasn't so terrified. The corporal stared at him in a way that was both calm and threatening. For someone so short, he sure did know how to look down on people. 

Stuttering as he spoke, Eren attempted a salute. "Er! Uh, c-corporal Levi sir! What can I do for you?" 

Naturally, the attempted politeness made no difference. With an irritated sort of huff, Levi reached down and grabbed Eren by the collar, hoisting him upwards and off of the bench with seemingly no effort. Eren let out a small whimper, and Levi released him onto the ground. 

"Jesus, OW!" Eren felt the back of his skull bump against the floor. Sharp pain shot across the area of impact. "What the hell did I do?"

Levi just glared down at him. 

Eren wasn't sure if the corporal was done beating him up. Just to be safe, he pulled his arms over his face, protecting his nose and other important facial features, bracing himself for potential impact. 

But suddenly, a light tinkling noise sounded from the table. Levi's head whipped around to Jean. 

There was a wild, frenzied look in his eyes, as he violently banged Armin's cutlery against the rim of his glass. He was as terrified as he was exhilarated. What Jean's goal was, Eren did not know, but he did know that this was just the distraction he needed. He silently whispered thanks to an unspecified deity before pulling himself off of the ground and into a sitting position. His breath hitched in his throat. 

There it was. This was what he had been waiting for. This magnificent, flawlessly formed ass to shame all asses that Eren had spent so many difficult training sessions and boring lessons fantasizing about was now within arm's reach. And all he had to do was reach out and touch it. 

He did. 

Levi turned his head back towards Eren, who was now quivering slightly, hand placed firmly on his ass. A small smirk spread across his face. "That's corporal got some ass to you."


End file.
